|Above: Jasper wearing Melissa Windham's Rocky Mountain Mod ensemble with DG Sookie Vest and Breakfast At Tiffany's cigarette holder. Platinum Sookie wearing DG 2011 Design A Doll Workshop outfit with FR riding boots.|
The older I get the more I realize that life is not always black or white, right or wrong. The things that we choose to do with our lives, whether it is the people we fall in love with or the career field we pursue all are an evolution and amalgam of our total life's experience to that point.
Although, things can look a certain way on the outside and we might want to draw conclusions about individuals due to their circumstances, people are not always as easy to read, as the black and white as copy on the pages of a book. I believe it is our human nature that makes us want to regulate and organize things into tidy little classifications: straight, gay, straight, butch, femme, top, bottom, smart, stupid - you get the point, right?
I have found that for the majority of my life, I've been a victim of this type of stereotyping from those around me. Friends and family have always taken one look at me and only looked at the superficial. Honestly, most people, no matter how close, really don't want to look any further than that. It takes a lot of work to look past the easy black and white "matter of fact" conclusions that we draw about those around us and instead dive into the messy, murky shades of how "grey" people really are.
Last night, I held a party of "friends" and as usual new friends, that have never been exposed to my doll collection wanted to see it. I have an averaged sized curio in the living room filled with dolls that are "conversations starters" - full of celebrities, well-known fashion designers and other pop-culture references. Most people that see those really are amused. They chalk it up to,"oh, isn't that funny - the "femme" one collects dolls." Sad truth is, I wish this type of generalization only came from straight friends...but unfortunately even our gay friends are judgmental about my collection. Sure they can spend obscene amounts of money on clothing and clothes with labels on them that they can't really afford or expensive cars that are more a reflection of their phallus size (or lack there of). In their eyes, I'M THE WIERD ONE because I collect fashion dolls that I love and make me happy.
Maybe if they took a moment to ask me questions about my collection before they judged they would find out: My aunt who passed away several years ago really loved fashion dolls and every time I see one that she would like, I feel compelled to buy it so I can feel closer to her memory. Or maybe my love of dolls comes from the fact that as far back as I could remember, I always wanted to be involved in the world of fashion but was never supported in that endeavor by my parents to follow my passion - and now I feel it is too late in my eyes. Or perhaps, it is just a tiny world of beautiful perfection, that I can retreat into and control when my full-sized life feels like It's spinning out of control. Nope, it is just easier to look with wide judgmental eyes at my full collection and quietly say to themselves,"hmm, that queen's got a screw loose." Oh well, thank God, I stopped caring a long time ago what people thought of me. I'm also grateful for a man that encourages me to express my creativity through my dolls because he sees how much joy it brings to my life.
I've always loved black and white color stories, like the two Dynamite Girls in this blogs picture. I love the bold contrast and simplicity of it. It's actually kind of soothing to just see two colors predominate. It allows you to feel safe in something that you know and don't have to feel the emotions that come along with other colors. Black and white is basic and easy to understand just like any extreme. I just wish that people understood that between the two there is a myriad of shades of grey in a spectrum that we couldn't even measure if we tried....and that's ok. All we are asked to do is accept they greys - even if we don't understand them.